parenting Archives - YOUTHCENTRIX®

July 31, 2021 By Youthcentrix

Trauma-Informed Practices: Honor Children’s Boundaries

As children mature, they want to exercise control over their time, property, and bodies. This quest for control can become inefficient and outright messy! It takes time and effort to negotiate with those we care about. Messy is part of getting to independence and self-confidence.

Control may include youth being reluctant to engage in social and physical contact that was typical for their younger years. This need to exert control and to uphold their boundaries can be seen with changes in youth’s willingness to accept hugs from Aunt Phyllis. To rough house with older male relatives. To allow free access to their room and belongings.

These changes are typical for healthy adolescent development.

Honoring these boundaries, while legitimately ensuring health and safety, can reinforce a developing child’s ability to express their wants and needs. Having their boundaries respected at home helps children learn how to protect themselves. Having their voices heard and listened to helps children learn how to advocate for themselves elsewhere.

A caregiver has to use discretion, clear expectations, and tap into their knowledge of the child’s current interests and activities to find a balance point between respecting boundaries and mitigating health and safety risks.

By safely hearing children’s voice and giving choice at home, caregivers develop a child’s ability to say “no” to unwanted attention. A strong voice comes from confidence that their preferences matter and should be listened to–inside and outside of the home.

While even the most sensitive caregiving cannot guarantee no harm will every happen, conscious parenting helps to build skills that will serve growing children as they launch into the world.

To learn more about the trauma-informed and equity-focused work at Youthcentrix® Therapy services, visit us online at www.youthcentrix.com.

Youthcentrix® provides allied and behavioral health services to individuals, consulting to organizations and a learning lab to accelerate your mastery of trauma informed and equity-focused practices.

Our Master Trauma Informed Practices Accelerator Program is open for enrollment in schools and healthcare organizations. Contact us to learn more.

March 1, 2017 By Youthcentrix

Trauma-Informed Practices with Children: Focus on Accountability not Punishment

Adolescence and early adulthood are a time for youth to exercise choice. Anyone who was once a teen knows that taking risks and making mistakes is part of the equation. Holding children and young adults accountable is the other factor.

To be a trauma responsive caregiver, we must distinguish the purpose and use of punishment, discipline, and accountability.

Rather than punishing youth for broken rules by reactively taking away things they prefer or introducing things they dislike, try shared reflection and disciplinary choice.

Remember the stories your dad shared about his mom walking him back to the corner store to return the candy bar he shoplifted. With his head hung low, he apologized and returned the stolen sweets. His having to sweep up the parking lot every day for the rest of summer drove the lesson home. He was taught an invaluable lesson about right/wrong and responsibility. Some strategies are timeless, even if they are underappreciated.

Too many of us grew up in households where every misstep was met with physical discipline or harsh critiques. Where risk taking happened outside the home. At home it was not safe to experiment with our own authority.

For too many adults, children were meant to be seen and not heard. We pay those lessons forward in the ways we marginalize our children’s voices. In the ways we think about the master-servant relationship between teachers and students.

On the other hand, we may overcompensate. To give children what we did not receive, we may become permissive to the point of spoiling and lacking the necessary boundaries. It would be easier if each child came with an instruction manual! In the meantime, we have to heal ourselves and develop new patterns of mutually respectful adult-child relationships.

Perfection is not required to become a trauma informed professional nor a trauma responsive caregiver.

Accountability looks at developing the skills that are necessary for desired behavior.

To change your family pattern about discipline and accountability, place an emphasis on compassionate inquiry and individualized guidance. Highlight for youth the actual results of their behavior and give them opportunity to identify consequences.

Instead of only focusing on how they disappointed you or the harm they caused, help them reflect on the emotional or psychological needs they were trying to fulfill with their behavior.

Emphasize your availability to figure out, together, the best way to fix it–if possible. This can help youth consider the costs of repeating the action and can decrease resistance to change.

Sometimes accountability looks like repairing broken relationships, fixing broken property, bearing the costs of loss, or taking on tasks to learn a skill that needs to be learned or strengthened.

Too many of us grew up in households where every misstep was met with physical discipline or harsh critiques.

Perfection is not required to become a trauma informed professional or trauma responsive caregiver. As caregivers, it is important to focus on what a child ultimately hopes to accomplish with any behavior.

A deep understanding of who they are and what they really want starts with caregivers seeking out and remaining open to learning about exactly what makes each youth tick. Always being willing to change our understanding of them as they mature. That’s the beginning of being a trauma responsive caregiver. Being trauma responsive creates a balance between love, acceptance and accountability.

This combination can set the foundation for a disciplined, balanced, and whole way of being.

To learn more about the trauma-informed and equity-focused work at Youthcentrix® Therapy services, visit us online at www.youthcentrix.com.

Our Master Trauma Informed Practices Accelerator Program is open for enrollment in schools and healthcare organizations. Enroll your school or healthcare organization here.

If you are a business leader interested in bringing trauma informed care and diversity, equity, inclusion, and antiracism (DEIA) to your organization reach out to Denise by emailing denise@ youthcentrix.com.

December 22, 2016 By Youthcentrix

Trauma-Informed Practices at Home: Ask for Children’s Opinions

During pre-adolescence and teenage years, youth want to know that their voice and creative ideas matter. Having a say in what to wear or hairstyle gives a sense of control over themselves and their bodies. Giving feedback about family activities feels empowering and validating. Being able to explain their thinking helps youth feel some sense of influence while they are still mostly dependent on adults for their care and support.

Caregivers can support youth by giving them an opportunity to state their perspective on activities. To contribute to the flow of daily life. As the adult, if there is a health and safety reason a child’s idea cannot be used that’s a teachable moment. Teach them up by stating the reason their idea cannot be implemented this time. Do so without judgment about the quality of their opinion. No one wants to feel stupid. Especially if other people are watching.

To be trauma responsive, share with the child if his or her preference can be used in its entirety. Consider if part of their idea can be used at a different time or under different circumstances. They may have useful and creative ideas to improve the idea, so everyone wins.

Gathering their opinions is an opportunity to understand, praise, and coach them on their thinking while also letting them fully participate in what happens during their day. You listening to them lets them know they have a voice that should be heard.

To learn more about the trauma-informed and equity-focused work at Youthcentrix® Therapy services, visit us online at www.youthcentrix.com.

Our Master Trauma Informed Practices Accelerator Program is open for enrollment in schools and healthcare organizations. Enroll your school or healthcare organization here.